theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
