there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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