dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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