Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
