i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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