The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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