god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
