not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
