Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
