Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
