Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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