I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
