My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
