playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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