somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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