i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
