Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
