Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
