Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
