I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
