I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
should my penis look like a turkey
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
