I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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