Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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