dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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