Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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