Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize