Tell her she can't have a vagina
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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