My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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