It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
