I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
