My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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