I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
