Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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