I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My cat gives me a boner
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
