So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
