I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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