you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
