I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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