I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize