she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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