Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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