I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
