those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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