Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
