Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
