he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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