i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
