I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
are you so shy because you have an std?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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