Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
