I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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