It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
