I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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