Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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