listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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