WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
