Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
