the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize