Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So much rum. So many feels.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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