He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
vagina is talking i cant
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my poor anus
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize