Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
