i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
