My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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