I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
